do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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