I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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