Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
