Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My dick has a subreddit
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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