I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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