did you get engaged???
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
