the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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