u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
