Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
