hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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