He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
