ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
