You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
