i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
