After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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