They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
