it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
