dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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