Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
