She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize