Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize