I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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