I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
