Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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