all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
