we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
