That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
