I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
