we were pretty classy up until the second keg
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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