i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
