Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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