Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
