why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize