You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
