Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
