Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
