While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
