come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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