I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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