I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
