She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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