his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize