Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
