I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
