Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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