I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
