And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
