did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
