your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
