the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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