Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
