I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
