wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize