i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
