I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I stole a fireplace last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
