Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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