Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
