Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
