Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
