If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
