I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
