Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
