I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
