Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
