i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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