I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
