where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
two words: eviction party
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
