marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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