I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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