oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
