I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
