I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
