Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
