i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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