So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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