You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
