In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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