my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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