I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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