how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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