I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
