I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize