tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
