yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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