Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
