i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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