Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
