Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
