Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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