I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
