Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
