I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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