I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you will always have a special place in my vag
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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