Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
