so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
