This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
