I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
