i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
