Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize