how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
