So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
