No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
