super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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