You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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