Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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